Updated: Mar 26
I found out I was having my first baby when I in college. I was working on my BA for both dance and psychology. I was scared about how I would manage it all. Schooling, dance classes, my job, and motherhood. (Check out my blog about being a mom and a dancer).
I felt very overwhelmed with all the things other moms shared with me. I didn't know if I could tolerate the pain of giving birth. During my first pregnancy, I felt very happy. I continued to take dance classes and work simultaneously. I was active, and I ate a healthy diet. My husband and I talked about what type of birth experience we wanted. I thought a water birth was best for us.
However, during my last visit, my OBGYN informed me that I had a severe infection that can harm our baby. He told us we need to schedule a C-section.
I was so disappointed and upset. I did not want a c - section at all. I was firm on having a natural birth. I felt like I failed, and my body just gave up on me. Eventually, my husband talked some sense into me about doing what was best for our baby.
Khaleah was born in July 2014; she was the prettiest angel I had ever seen. My recovery from my c-section was a bit difficult. I also didn’t listen to my doctor about what I should be doing (oh, disclaimer, please listen to your doctor about what you should be doing for your postpartum recovery, don’t follow what I did).
While I was home with Khaleah, I continued my classes online. I was very excited that I would be graduating soon. Well, a couple of months later, I found out I was pregnant again.
Wow!! So my graduation date got push back another semester. This pregnancy felt very challenging. I was trying to do the things I did with my first, but it was very hard. I felt awful in my body. I had school, work, and ministry. All of this was put on hold. I was put on bed rest in my third trimester due to over-exhaustion. Also, my husband and I were having a lot of trouble in our marriage.
In this pregnancy, I wanted to try and have a natural birth since I could not have a natural birth with my first. I didn’t heal all the way, with my first so my doctor thought it was best I had another c- Section.
My friend and I were pregnant at the same time I was so happy we both were due around the same time. Her baby ended up coming earlier than expected. At the beginning of April, I gave birth to another baby girl, so precious and she looks just like her daddy. She did have some health problems which kept her in the hospital for a week. When I came home from the hospital I out found my friend’s baby went to be with the Lord.
This broke my heart and we were all devastated. Over time I became so sad, and I couldn't care for my baby girl. I couldn't bond with my baby, she will cry and would stare at her. I didn't feel happy at all like I did with my first. My marriage problems contributed to how was feeling and I didn't share with anyone how was feelings. I didn't even know how to support my friend as she grieved.
Over time I find support from my church and my faith really helped, yet still, I didn't know I had postpartum depression.
I eventually felt better, and I started working on myself and working on my marriage. My husband and I talked about having more children, but we were clear that we were going to wait until I finish my Master's Degree. But.......
A pandemic hit!!! and then I found out pregnant with my third baby. This was the most difficult, and hardest pregnancy I experienced. Being in a pandemic made it so much worst. I thought I was able to keep up by getting the support I needed, but I experience something different. I suffered from prenatal depression that lasts up until after the birth of my son.
With the Coivd-19 restrictions, we could not see him at all in NICU - it was pretty horrible, (Read my full story here Suffering From Prenatal Depression in a Pandemic).
I share my story with you because it's important for us moms to find support in our stories. It helps us grow and become better. I'll leave you with four value tips that will help if your a mom who is planning a birthing experience.
Four Valuable Tips for Pregnancy:
1. Make room for the unexpected: you can have a birthing plan if you want, but remember things happen, so leave some room for grace and know that it is not your fault. The main thing is to bring a healthy baby into the world. Seek God in prayer to help during this process:
Scripture: Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, Philippians 3:13 (NCV)
2. Get rid of the negative thinking- do not self-sabotage. It’s important to stay calm, stress-free, don’t compare yourself to other moms because God made us all different for a purpose, and take care of yourself. Keeping a positive attitude and outlook on your situations and focus that everything is in God’s hand.
Scripture: I was very worried, but you comforted me and made me happy. Psalms 94:19 (NCV)
3. Get support- someone you completely trust, and that has the right information on what you should do- always remember that whoever you look to is just your support. You make the final decision on what is best.
Scripture: He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NCV)
4. Each pregnancy is very different; you might feel the same for your first or second or third, then something changes- embrace this because you have little personality inside of you, and they’re already showing who they are- it is incredible!!
Scripture: Jeremiah 7:5 (NCV) You must change your lives and do what is right. Be fair to each other.
If you are a mother who is experiencing Prenatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder read my blog sharing 8 tips that helped me feel better. You can also listen to my Scriptural Meditations to help you thorughout Motherhood Journey.
From The Healin Space